Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
