so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
