as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
