Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
