I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize