So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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