She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
