I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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