Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
