he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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