I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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