i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
