There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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