i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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