Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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