cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i believe in u and ur pee
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
