Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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