In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
