He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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