my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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