fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
