You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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