Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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