Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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