i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
