I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
