Christians are straight up FREAKS
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
