Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize