During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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