1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
