so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
