Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
