I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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