Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
