I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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