do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
barbara walters just said penis...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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