Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
home. puking in laundry basket.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize