Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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