My boss' voice literally gives me gas
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dear god my vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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