I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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