I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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