I puked a lego.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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