True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
