Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize