It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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