Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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