just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
