i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
