i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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