I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
