Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize