I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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