she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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