I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
