Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
