She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
