eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
