She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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