I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
