you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So squirting runs in the family.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
