like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
