she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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