i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
