he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
