Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
