apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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