was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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